toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
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