i just identified you from a description of your pipe
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
Randomize
