everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
Randomize
