And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Randomize
