Got a toothbrush?
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
Randomize
