My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
