Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
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