I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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