Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
Randomize
