Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
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