He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Randomize
