I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
Less talking, more tequila
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
Randomize
