How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
