Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
Randomize
