you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
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