i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
Randomize
