Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
