Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
