oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
Michael Bay diarrhea
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
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