whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
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