Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Randomize
