dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
Randomize
