I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
Randomize
