My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
