i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
Randomize
