I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
