girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Randomize
