Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
Someone signed my nipple.
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
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