There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize
