Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
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