i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
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