He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
Randomize
