I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
Randomize
