No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
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