If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
Randomize
