when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize