when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
Randomize
