She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
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