shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
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