I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
Randomize
