i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Randomize
