So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize