Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
Randomize
