I swear god or herbie drove my car home
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
Randomize
