im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
Randomize
