I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
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