Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
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