Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Randomize
