We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
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