swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
false alarm, still single
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