he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
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