I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
