fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
Randomize
