living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
I came so hard my ears popped.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
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