wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
Randomize
