i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
