i used baking grease as lip gloss
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
Randomize
