Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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