So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
My Higher Power is John Stamos
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
Someone came in the potted fern
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
