Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
