she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
But break dance skills will only take you so far
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
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