I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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