I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
