Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
Randomize
