Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
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