I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
