bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
Randomize
