I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
Randomize
