you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
Randomize
