C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
Confirm your location. A cross street is best, but if google mapping yourself is your least-shameful option go for it. ps- going through his mail for an actual address is always an option.
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
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