Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
Randomize
